How do I “Cause as little pain as possible in challenging situations”

Does finding the way of least mental-emotional pain in disagreements with others mean to avoid, hide, step out of our inner alignment, keep peace at all costs?

In my life I experienced that these choices often continue the mental-emotional pain and might even increase it for all involved. We are trying to avoid something we cannot control. I can control my own reactions and thoughts and with this my own mental-emotional pain. I cannot control the other person’s mental-emotional pain. We all have the gift of free will and with this a choice.

Hiding, avoiding, stepping out of inner alignment, keeping peace, do not address the issue and while it might be suppressed for a while it will come up again, most likely in a louder version. This can continue for a while until the situation has become sticky, messy and unbearable. At this point it is much more difficult to clear it up and has created a lot more physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain.

What I can do is align myself as best as I can with what feels right in my heart/soul and then stand in for that alignment with respect, compassion and openness. My alignment might be in contrast to someone else’s, e.g. partner, friend, family… and that is okay. I believe there is always a solution that is supportive of all involved. That does not mean that those involved are not being stretched emotionally, mentally and spiritually. However, this stretch is a lot easier to take than the noisy, chaotic mess that can result in avoiding the issue.

We tend to avoid being uncomfortable or in mental-emotional pain. And yet, personal growth and spiritual evolvement brings often states of un-comfortableness and uncertainty to shake us loose from old habits and patterns. When I started to embrace this concept I found that the beginning stages of discomfort are just a sign for change and that it will pass if I embrace this state and explore the solutions and directions it points me to. If I (and all involved in the situation) resist, the discomfort can grow more painful and it can take longer to establish the new direction and release the accumulated pain.

I am learning to see discomfort as a sign for growth. My approach is to:
•    feel the discomfort,
•    explore the reason for the discomfort
•    observe what solutions present themselves
•    check the solutions with my inner alignment
•    observe some more if nothing feels right
•    make a choice that I sense is in alignment with my heart/soul
•    act with respect, compassion and openness
•    give it my best effort to hold these energies during the process.   

I am also learning that it is okay when others are uncomfortable. They have a choice what to do with it.

I feel that this approach has the potential to cause as little pain as possible for all involved.    

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