How do I “Cause as little pain as possible in challenging situations”

When people find themselves in uncomfortable situations where they have to make some courages decisions, they say: “I don’t want to cause anyone pain” or “I just want to keep peace.” They argue for their limitations so they don’t have to step up, using assumed, possible pain of others as an escape route.?

In my experience, when these argument are being spoken and acted upon, then the mental-emotional pain the person wants to prevent is often being increased for all involved.

We cannot control the other person’s mental-emotional pain. We can only discern what decisions and actions feel aligned with our personal truth and act on it. That often takes courage and might create short-term mental-emotional pain for one selves and others. But it opens the door to change and an opportunity to create wellbeing for all in the long-term.

While these situations can feel overwhelming or unsolvable, hiding, avoiding, stepping out of inner alignment, trying to keep peace… do not address the issue and while it might be suppressed for a while it will come up again, most likely in a louder version. In the meantime the situation keeps creating more pain often at an unconscious level. This can continue for a while until the situation has become more complex, sticky, messy and unbearable.  At this point it is much more difficult to clear up.

Instead of running away from the situation, we can align ourselves as best as we can with what feels right in our heart and then stand in for that alignment with respect, compassion and openness. Our alignment might be in contrast to someone else’s opinion, e.g. partner, friend, family… and that is okay.

I believe there is always a solution that is supportive of the wellbeing for all involved. That does not mean that those involved are not being stretched emotionally, mentally and spiritually. However, this stretch is a lot easier to take than the noisy, chaotic mess that can result in avoiding the issue.

We tend to avoid being uncomfortable or in mental-emotional pain. And yet, personal growth and spiritual evolvement bring often states of un-comfortableness and uncertainty to shake us loose from old habits and patterns.

When I started to embrace this concept I found that the beginning stages of discomfort are just a sign for change and that it will pass if I embrace this state and explore the solutions and directions it points me to. If I (and all involved in the situation) resist, the discomfort can grow more painful and it can take longer to establish the new direction and release the accumulated pain.

I am learning to see discomfort as a sign for growth. My approach is to:
•    feel the discomfort,
•    explore the reason for the discomfort
•    observe what solutions present themselves
•    check the solutions with my inner alignment
•    observe some more if nothing feels right
•    make a choice that I sense is in alignment with my heart/soul
•    act with respect, compassion and openness
•    give it my best effort to hold these energies during the process.   

If I don’t like the result, I go through the whole process again, trying out a different pathway. 

I am also learning that it is okay when others are uncomfortable. They have a choice what to do with it. Nobody says life is always comfortable, but we can choose to resist it or work with it. 

Choice is a powerful tool. How do you choose next time you encounter an uncomfortable situation? Will you choose to use the assumed, possible pain of others to stay in victim hood and stuck or use an approach as I described that has the potential to move all involved from uncomfortable to wellbeing.   

Leave a Reply